At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
