Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
