i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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