Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
