I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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