Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
