How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
