peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
