what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
