matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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