don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
