Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
