I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
