We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
