Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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