Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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