It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
