i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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