Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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