I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
