DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
