I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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