I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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