I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
