Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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