he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
