He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize