Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
