Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
