We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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