I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
