dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
