Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think my vagina is haunted
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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