Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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