i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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