if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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