Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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