Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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