forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we should paint friendship bongs
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