i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
