I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
