My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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