oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
