Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im holly from the hills drunk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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