The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
