So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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