you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
