Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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