Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
