I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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