Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
